The worst part is how it fuckes up my sleep. I fear the waking up because I know I will have to start over when I do. I wake up with this ache in the pit of my belly. It's strange how psychological pain can be so physical. It feels like all my energy goes to keeping my hands away from writing to him. I want to ask how he feels. If he is sure that he made the right decision... But somewhere I know that off course he is sure. And that's why I desperately try not to write.